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Alright, let’s talk about this “programs and features” thingy, ya know? It sounds all fancy, but it ain’t nothin’ to be scared of. It’s just a place on your computer where you can see all the stuff that’s been put on there. What are Programs and Features anyway? Well, like I said, it’s where all your computer programs hang out. Ya know, like that game your grandkids put on there, or that thingy for writin’ letters. It shows ya what’s installed, what came with the computer, and even those pesky…

Well, howdy there! Let’s talk about this here “primitive camera feature” thing, like them city folks put in their crossword puzzles. I ain’t no fancy photographer, mind you, but I reckon I know a thing or two about old-timey stuff. So, this here “primitive camera feature,” the puzzle folks call it. Sounds mighty complicated, but it ain’t, not really. It’s just a fancy way of sayin’ a real simple thing. You see, back in the day, before all them fancy gadgets and gizmos, cameras weren’t nothin’ like they are now….

Alright, let’s gab a bit about them natural rock water features, you know, the kind that make your yard look all fancy-like. I ain’t no fancy designer or nothin’, but I know what looks good and what don’t. First off, you gotta think about what you want. You want a pond? Like, a real pond where the frogs can croak and the dragonflies zip around? That’s nice. Ponds are peaceful. You can sit by ‘em with your coffee in the mornin’ and just… chill. Plus, they say it’s good for…

Alright, let’s talk about them fancy pool water things, the ones they call “modern pool water features.” I ain’t no expert, mind you, just an old woman who’s seen a thing or two. But I reckon I can tell you what’s what. First off, folks are always gussying up their pools these days. Used to be, a pool was just a hole in the ground filled with water. Now, they got all sorts of contraptions and doo-dads. It’s like they’re trying to make the swimming hole look like somethin’ out…

Well, howdy there! So, you wanna know about that highway sign with a guy and a shovel? Sounds like somethin’ outta one of them crossword puzzles, ain’t it? I ain’t never done one of them myself, seems like a lot of fuss for nothin’, but my grandson, he’s always got his nose stuck in ’em. He says it’s good for the brain, but I reckon pullin’ weeds in the garden is better for ya, and you get somethin’ to eat outta it too! Anyways, this “highway sign with a guy…

Alright, let’s talk about this… this heavy metal low brass feature thing, whatever that means. You know, like, the loud music with all the banging and stuff? Yeah, that one. So, first off, them guitars gotta be loud, real loud. Like, turn it up until your ears start ringing, then turn it up some more. That’s what they do, them metal fellas. They get these… whatchamacallit… distorted guitars. Yeah, sounds all fuzzy and angry-like. Not like them pretty little guitars on the radio, no sir. These ones yell at ya….

Alright, so you wanna know about them Gothic buildings, huh? Them fancy churches and stuff? I tell you what, they ain’t like the sheds we got around here, that’s for sure. Them city folks, they sure do like their things all… pointy. First off, you gotta understand, these Gothic places, they’re all about reaching up to the sky. Like they’re tryin’ to get closer to God or somethin’. So, they got these things called arches. Not just any arches, mind you, these are pointed arches. Like, if you take a…

Well, let me tell ya somethin’ about them Cobras and Dodge Vipers. Them things, they’re somethin’ else, let me tell ya. Folks say they’re fast, real fast. Now, I ain’t no car expert or nothin’, but I heard tell that these Cobras can do an eighth of a mile pretty quick. Somethin’ like 12.50 seconds, they say. That’s speedy, I reckon. Faster than my old mule, that’s for sure. And them Vipers, well, they got more gears, I hear. Six of ’em, count ’em, six! Cobras, they only got four….

Well, howdy there, y’all! Let’s talk about this here “featured performances nyt crossword” thing. I ain’t no fancy scholar or nothin’, but I’ll tell you what I know about crackin’ them crossword puzzles, especially that “featured performances” one they got in the New York Times. Now, I ain’t never been to New York City, but I reckon they like their puzzles over there. And this here “featured performances” thing, it seems to pop up now and again. Folks been seein’ it on April 28th, and I heard tell it’s been…

Alright, let’s talk about this iPhone clock thingy, the one them city folks at the New York Times are yapping about. I ain’t no fancy tech whiz, but I can tell ya what’s what. So, this clock app on the iPhone, it ain’t just for tellin’ time no more. Seems like they keep addin’ new stuff to it. Like them timers. You know, for when you’re cookin’ somethin’ and don’t wanna burn it. Now you can set a whole bunch of ’em, which is mighty handy if you got a…