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Alright, so you wanna know about them fancy cars, huh? The ones they call “classic sports cars”? I ain’t no expert, mind you, but I’ve seen a thing or two in my days. My old man, he used to tinker with cars, so I picked up some stuff here and there. First off, what makes a car a “classic”? Well, it ain’t just any old rust bucket. It’s gotta be somethin’ special, somethin’ that folks remember. Like them old Ford Mustangs. Them were real popular back in the day, and…

[Body] Alright, so you wanna know about that Celtic artwork thing in crosswords, huh? Lemme tell ya, it ain’t as fancy as them city folks make it sound. It’s just…well, it’s kinda like them twisty things you see on old stuff, you know? Like, maybe on a grandma’s old brooch or somethin’. They call it a knot, I think. Yeah, a knot. Like when you tie your shoelaces, but way prettier. Now, these crossword people, they like to make things sound all mysterious. “Celtic artwork feature,” they say. Sounds like…

Alright, let’s talk about them tank tops, you know, the ones with the… uh… whatchamacallits built right in. I ain’t no fancy writer, so I’ll just tell ya like it is. Them Tank Tops and Their Secrets Now, these tank tops, they ain’t new. Been around for ages, they say. Folks used to wear ’em for swimmin’, men and women both. Imagine that! But then, someone got the bright idea to put somethin’ extra in ’em for the ladies. You know, for… support. Keeps things from… well, you know… floppin’…

Alright, so you wanna know about this “bill featuring Ben”, huh? Let me tell ya, I ain’t no fancy city slicker, but I know a thing or two about money, ya hear? What’s this “Bill Featuring Ben” All About? Well, it ain’t rocket science. When them smarty-pants folks talk about a “bill featuring Ben,” they’re just talkin’ about a hundred-dollar bill. Yep, that green piece of paper with old Ben Franklin’s face on it. He was one of them founding fathers, or so they say. Always lookin’ serious in that…

Alright, let’s talk about them wall water features, you know, the things folks hang on their walls that got water runnin’ down ’em. I seen some fancy ones, and some not-so-fancy ones, but they all do the same thing – make water go splash-splash. First off, what exactly are these things? Well, they’re like, uh, decorations for your house, inside or outside, that use water. Some are big, some are small. I saw one at the store the other day, big as a door, they called it “Wall Hanging Waterfall…

[Body] Well, howdy there! So, you wanna know about this “uniform feature often” thing, huh? It’s like them crossword puzzle folks are always tryin’ to trick ya, ain’t they? But don’t you worry none, I’ll tell ya what I know, even though I ain’t no fancy scholar or nothin’. Ya see, when they say “uniform feature often,” they’re usually lookin’ for a short word, somethin’ that fits in them little boxes. I reckon they’re talkin’ ’bout somethin’ that’s the same all over, ya know? Like, if all the houses on…

[Body] Alright, let’s talk about this Uber thing, you know, the one everyone’s yappin’ about. I ain’t no fancy tech person, but even I can figure out some of this stuff. It’s like calling a car, but without yellin’ out the window. Handy, I guess, if you got one of them smartphones. So, this Uber app, it’s got all sorts of things on it. First off, you gotta tell it where you wanna go. It ain’t rocket science, just punch in the address, or whatever they call it. Then, this…

Alright, let’s talk about this “spa service feature” thingy, the one they got in them crossword puzzles. You know, the kind my grandkids are always scribbling on. I ain’t no fancy pants, but I can tell ya a thing or two about what goes on in them spas, seen enough on TV, heard enough from the ladies at the market. So, what’s a spa service feature, huh? Well, it could be all sorts of things, depending on what them puzzle makers are thinking. Could be somethin’ simple, like a facial….

Alright, so you wanna know about this dub music, huh? Let me tell ya, it ain’t nothin’ fancy like that city music them youngsters listen to. It’s got this…this thump to it, you know? Like a heartbeat, but real low and deep. That’s what they call the bass, I think. I heard someone sayin’ it’s like them garage bands, but…less. Less noise, less everything, just that thump, thump, thump. Keeps goin’ and goin’. Some folks add other stuff, little bits and pieces, but it’s always that bass that gets ya….

Alright, let’s talk about this here…pouter pigeon, I think they call it. Fancy name for a bird, if you ask me. But it ain’t just any bird, no sirree. This one’s got a somethin’ special, a real stand-out feature, you know? Now, I ain’t no fancy bird expert or nothin’, but I seen pictures, and let me tell ya, that pouter pigeon is somethin’ else. First thing you notice is that big ol’…crop, they call it. Looks like it swallowed a whole apple, or maybe even a small potato! It’s…